THE JOYS OF INSTALLATION

Bill Cereske

Dear Alarm Company Owner,

I'm writing today to thank you for the system you recently

installed in our home, in order to make us safer from

burglars, fires, and other perils.

When your men arrived to do the installation, I must admit

to being anxious as they unloaded their big tools from the

trucks.

They were really something at wiring up the windows and

doors. I saw how one man used a long drill to make a hole

into the basement, and he spent a lot of time getting the

wire to go through to the window. When I asked him what

he was doing he said he was "fishing". That was strange.

He was supposed to be working.

Anyway, just as he got the wire to go through the hole,

another one of your crew found the box of wire in the

basement and took it away, making the wire disappear.

This made the first man angry, and he threw a screwdriver

at the second man. Fortunately it missed him, but after

crashing through the window, it did hit the man with

"supervisor" on his shirt.

That man started yelling at the first two, when another of

your crew came running up saying something about hitting a

water pipe with his drill. My goodness! I didn't know

such a small hole could let out so much water! All of

them were running around looking for the valve. Finally,

it was found and the "supervisor" said he would call a

glazer and plumber for me. How sweet!

One of your people went to put a metal box on the side of

the house, but he got stuck in a tree when he fell

backwards. While most of your installers were helping him

out, another went into the attic to work on some wires. I

guess there was a mistake, because there was a flash and

all the lights went out. The "supervisor" started yelling

at the man in the attic, when all of a sudden the man in

the attic came crashing through the kitchen ceiling and

landed on the floor. The nice paramedics said he would be

O.K. as they wheeled him away. What a relief.

The "supervisor" told me that the man had fallen off the

beam. "Oh, no" I said, "The salesman told me that the

beam would cover the living room". I guess he ate

something bad for lunch, because he turned a strange

color.

There was a little trouble when the job was finished. One

man tried to show us how to use the system, but something

got stuck and the siren started sounding. Everybody

started running around. Someone tried to cut the wire to

the siren, but the fire alarm went off. What a noise!

Finally, the problem was found and the siren was turned

off.

Peace was restored until the fire trucks began arriving.

They sure got here in a hurry! I hope you were able to

repair the truck the fire engine ran in to. Is sure

looked a mess when it was towed away. The "supervisor"

and the firemen seemed angry at one another. Finally,

everything was working and your people left.

My husband said it was a good thing they only work during

the day, or there would be more accidents.

In closing, I would like to say that we haven't had so

much excitement around here since my neighbor's alarm went

off and that nice guard you sent to protect them

accidentally shot himself in the foot.

Thanks for your efforts to protect us, and we promise to

operate our alarm very, very carefully.

Sincerely Yours,

A GRATEFUL SUBSCRIBER